I read your comment on Earthbuilders' page....you like Planetary? You're a man after my own heart.

I want to thank everybody at Zuda for chosing our comic to be in the contest this month, it has been an honor!!! Thanks to all the people that voted for us and the people that took the time to read and review our work, is very interesting to hear what the people think about what you do. It has been a really great month for me!!!!

Buen tarbajo muchachos. es realmente bueno , les deseo suerte .

Good comic, excellent script and sequences of images, it supports, in my opinion, an interesting thread in the plot. In short, I consider this a story very well conceived and I foresee a promising future to its creators in this medium of expression. It is gratifying to find good stories like this highlighted by a flawless artistic work. Congratulations.

Hi! I Think the comic is very well done. I like the details and the suspense and mistery that put in. I can't wait to see de whole story. The backgrounds and the architecture are very cool!! The entire idea is very interesting. Good luck!

Andres, im proud of you, doing, trying and improving every day!!!! you will be famous... im sure. hugs

MONRA, thanks for your support man!! Glad I can bring some people to Zuda.
See you.
-----------------------------------------------------------
dreams[on]toast, I agree with you, it´s a good story, and I know there is a lot of room for me to improve my art. I will work harder.
Thanks for your comments
-----------------------------------------------------------
rock_gb, I have a lot of fun with the gadgets. It´s good to hear people like your work.
Thanks for your support my friend

-----------------------------------------------------------
ART_IZAN, I liked Doraemon a lot when I was a child, thanks for noticing. We decided to tell the story in a near future because we thought that will add a twist to the story, and because we think is cool. Maybe in the future the cop would known which detective is coming, but for the story is better this way, the more troubles she has doing her job the better. About the other question, yes, to become a detective she would probably had to start as a patrol cop, but that wasn´t Gwen case, and that’s part of her conflict I don´t want to tell you more because I don´t want to spoil the rest of the story.
Thank´s for checking out our work and for your thoughts about it.

-----------------------------------------------------------
Streckfus Persons, I hope that didn´t hurt you as much as I can imagine (OUUUCHH!!) I don´t think that was an accident, and I certainly don´t want to know how big his testicles are (so I can´t give you an answer). If he tried to shield himself with that…. I think that was a stupid move and clearly that didn´t go well.
Thanks for your comments

Damn I thought this was a Doraemon returns comic ;)

Great attention to detail on the cyberpunk visuals, although looking at all the kit they have like the PDA ID badge, it seems a bit strange that the cops wouldn't know which detective would be coming to the scene of the crime even if she was a rookie - at the end of the day its not the 1940's.

Another point is certainly in most western countries you have to pay your dues and work as a beat/patrol cop for a period before you can become a detective, then as a rookie you'd have a more experienced partner to settle you in. It just seems unlikely she feel ill over seeing dead bodies (unless she knew them or it was particularly horrific) - could it be morning sickness?

Otherwise enjoyable apart from the rat killer plant.

The story seems well constructed and interesting but the artwork needs more polish.

infernalbbq, too bad we got you tired and confused, but you´re right, the 8 pages are a big challenge, however we don´t have any frustrations because of that. We realized 8 pages were not enough for our story , we are telling two plots in these 8 pages, that´s 4 pages each plot, and I think 4 pages is too short to grab anyone. But we didn´t want to slash our story just for winning this competition, we wanted to be faithful to the comic and to us.
Thanks for your comments and support!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------
RKB, How cannot I like what you said??? You spent a lot of time reading and re-reading our comic, and for me that´s the biggest compliment of all.
Thanks for your support, and for now we are working on this comic, but maybe later we will submit again.
-----------------------------------------------------------
lrsteiner , thanks for your invitation, I will be answering as soon as I can. And feel free to leave your comments!!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Bryy_Miller, your welcome
-----------------------------------------------------------
Gnar Duce, I´m really happy you find the end of this preview exciting, the panel 6 page 8 has a lot of work (thanks for noticing!!) I had a lot of fun drawing Teri, I´m glad you liked her. The blur trick we used is very effective, it adds depth to the images and help to focus the reader wherever we want to.
Thanks for your comments!!!!

Thank you.

Thanks for liking what I had to say Andres. I read wound and I just thought he got shot there too, but he was stabbed with something you see in 1 of the panels, I'm going to have to re-read it again and see if I can find it. Instead of where's Waldo it's where's the weapon, i like it.
************************************************************
I hope you both do submit to Zuda again.

MariaJoG, Thanks for your support!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Bryy_Miller, I went to your blog and read your comments, I will leave my opinion in your blog (I suppose you want it that way) Just want to say I like that review better.
-----------------------------------------------------------
mursku, I´m glad you liked the art, too bad the story didn´t grab you. I didn´t know the Luna Brothers work (aside from two Spider woman covers) but I checked their website and I can see the similarities, thanks for pointing that, they´re pros, so I will check on their work for some improvement on mine.
thanks for your comments.
-----------------------------------------------------------
RKB, well I agree with you, the biggest mistake on the synopsis are the typos, If I send another comic to zuda someday, I will be triple checking the spelling. I´m sorry and very embarrassed because of that. Next time If I decided to compete on Zuda I will seek help from everyone I can (including the kind zuda community that offered their help)
Most of the “camera shots” and angles on half the pages are credit of Felipe (the writer), he knows a lot about how to tell a story with images and I have learned a lot from him. Most of the “cinematography” feeling comes from him also, and I throw some ideas too.
You have pointed out a lot of things that will help, the date can clarify all of this is happening on one day, Gwen thoughts can also reinforce the idea of the page 2 storytelling we were trying, but when we were creating the comic we didn´t want to be that obvious (it turns out almost everyone seems confused with the story, so I think all the things you´re saying could clarify a lot to the reader)
The shot in the neck… well maybe it isn´t so clear but he only have been shot in his “jewels” the neck has a wound (as the police man explains to Gwen) and the object that wound was made with is shown on one panel of these 8 pages.
Glad you like the work on Teri that means she actually look as we want her to!!! Wow, you catch one of the film noir references!! About SCREEN 6 panel 2 YES!! She cries because she is in shock!!
About the rat killer, that was my mistake, and you´re right that one has to be fixed (I like rodent-x by the way)
About the glasses… I might sound repetitive but in the next page you can see him with glasses, So VOTE FOR US!!! (I´m in 10th place, but that doesn´t mean I´m giving up yet!!!)
I didn´t want to talk about Pulp Fiction, but now that you did, What if you only have 8 minutes of that movie??? Would you like it??? Would you understand what the story is about?? Would you be confused about what is going on??? We´re VERY AWARE we are not at the same level as Tarantino (we are both fans), and Pulp Fiction is a MASTERPIECE compared to our 10th place comic, but please think about this…
I didn´t comment on some of what you said because we want to finish the comic and publish it somewhere so I don´t want to tell more about the story.
Thanks for all your thoughts and for the time you spent on our work!! Great review about our comic.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Felipe Martinez, Hi Felipe!!!!

First off I want to say I'm glad to read your so welcoming of comments about your comic Felippe and Andres thanks for that.
**************************************************************
Your synopsis might have had a little too much detail, but I don't think it was 'too instructive' just giving a heads up to the reader's letting them know what you were going for. However, parts of it did read weird, it's the whole spanish to english translation thing. "Lead Jake to his own dead" I know you meant "lead Jake to his own death", and the little spanish I know I make the same kind of mistakes, but it still threw me off a little in my reading of it. Need help with making things sound right, or just double checking to be sure??? Make a post on the Zuda message boards -I and any number of other people would be glad to help you guys out. :)
************************************************************
SCREEN 1 yeah I see it too a little bit of Luna brothers in the art. Unless you read the synopsis the time change back and forth doesn't really mean much i think on page 1 a lot of people will just gloss over it being 8:37 am and not think it means much. Maybe put a date on there, or have the murder go down on a holiday so we -the reader's- get the fact that the time matter's don't just leave it in the synopsis that's like leaving it in the typewriter.
***********************************************************
I love the transition from panel to panel on this first page it's really drawing you into a meeting with the main character and namesake of the story. I enjoyed the different views and angles of the shots very much, it does have a movie feel for a comic and I enjoyed it.
***********************************************************
SCREEN 2 From the cars and uniforms it looks like a future city, but again it would have helped bring that home if you had picked a date. The transition shots/different angles keep me interested it what was Marshall walking up to a door nice choices for the art. I read you didn't plan this for Zuda, it's only 8 screens decompression doesn't work something along the lines of turbo-overdrive might be more called for in terms of story telling. I actually think you have a lot going on here it's not decompression to me, but the lack of clarity in the time changes makes it harder to follow. I know on screen 2 you were trying to show she doesn't like her job and it didn't really come off, if she had just had 1 line like "damn here I go again.." and you showed her walking to the door i would have got it -she hates her job, so no rush to see the bodies. Having her talk a little to herself or have more involved character interactions would have gave me more of a feel for the character and i could have got into the story sooner.
************************************************************
SCREEN 3 He got shot in the family jewels and there's blood everywhere, he got shot in the neck and it looks like a vampire with small incisors bite him??? I wouldn't expect a fountain of blood like from Kill Bill, but he got shot in the neck, more blood and gore there would have made it seem more real. The guns don't really look future-esque enough. Aside from the lack of blood I enjoy the camera movement (you know what I mean ;) ), the screen layouts keep me interested.
************************************************************
SCREEN 4 Okay what's going on with Marshall??? She kind of looks like she knew him??? I like the mystery this set up 'why is she running off? Poor Jake.
**********************************************************
SCREEN 5 6:04 am, I'm guessing from the synopsis this is where we start going back in time, but you don't have a date so for all I know from reading the comic this could be the next morning, you needed a date in there. I don't know if it's the day before/ day after same day??? Again if you were just reading along you might not even notice the time box. Nice art work on teri ;), and I loved the set up it's kind of a classic noir style intro to a character steps out of the car and BAM! a knock-out.
*************************************************************
SCREEN 6 panel 2 she's crying -why??? I'm guessing the trip is a big emotional issue for her, -I liked this detail. Very smooth transition between panels.
***********************************************************
SCREEN 7 ah yes the top down shot in panel 1, and carrying around that much cash??? I got a bad vibe from the woman at the counter, makes me wonder if she's in on the set-up/murder, because she didn't seem to have the right reaction to seeing all that cash??? I like the mystery the writer set-up and the way the artist carried it out.
*********************************************************
SCREEN 8 4:11 am I know it's before the murder, but is it also before teri tries to buy a plane ticket???
*********************************************************
Panel 6 you have the rat poison, marked rat killer, who does that??? It reminds me of a story eli roth told about making hostel 2. He had a local crew in Europe and in his script he said a bottle of pain pills falls on the floor, so the label on the bottle said pain medication. No pain medication is named pain medication, just like no rat poison is named rat killer. i know you couldn't use a real name, but something like rodent-x and a picture of a dead rat would have took care of what you were going for here. A small detail, but it stood out cause it was so weird??? If your not paying attention you mught not get this is the same Jake cause the first time you see his body he's got on glasses, but the last screen no glasses, it can throw you off.
************************************************************
I love stories that play around with time (yea PULP FICTION!), but you have to be careful or you throw people off. A date to go with the time would have helped out a lot in my understanding. Also if Jake is a lover of her's having him say something like "don't leave me" or more of a freak out on his part -more emotion- would have had more impact.
************************************************************
You ended the story with Jake running off to save the day, if you had ended the story with a shot of Teri's slumped over body it would have had more impact and been a bigger note to end on.
**********************************************************
I actually think their is a lot going on for the 8 screens it's just hard to follow. After a couple of re-reads you got 3/5 star's and a fav from me.
************************************************************

I've taken up the Webcomic Witchfinder mantle and mini-reviewed this month:
http://leftyfilmsblog.blogspot.com/2008/11/zuda-mini-reviews-november.html

Well Steve I´m waiting for you to continue MAM, (seriously I don´t know what the hell were the voters thinking, that is one of the most original, cool and funny comics here) I don´t feel bad for not winning the competition ( I know this is just beggining but 10th place...) I feel a little sad because the people aren´t giving us a chance, they don´t even look to our comic (see the views)
But for my next comic the first panel will have 435.765 warriors fighting with light sabers, guns and spaceships; biting, kicking, punching each others in very cool an dynamic poses, lots of naked chicks dancing around, all of this in a post-apocalyptic environment, and, and... (just joking... but that sounds cool doesn´t it??) But seriouly I´m really happy to be here in the 10 competitors of this month,(for me literally in the 10) I have reached more people in 4 days than in the last months, and I have received some critics that will help to improve my art.
Thanks steve and I´m waiting for more MAM
-----------------------------------------------------------
jfx, gracias por sus comentarios, en estos días le pego una llamada y hablamos, bacano conocer a otra persona que haga comics y que sea paisano.
Thanks, glad you liked the comic

wow! glad you liked MAM andrez! someday I'll get back to tell the whole story...
______
but yeah - you got what I was trying to say. maybe these 8 pages aren't the right 8 pages from your story to grab readers. If there were more pages behind it, it might be an entirely different story so you shouldn't feel the writing or art or even your whole cinematic approach is bad. And if I'm right (and I might not be - that's for you to decide), don't feel bad because it took me a 2 failed Zuda entries before people actually liked one (MAM). With MAM I tried really hard to cram as much as I could into the 8 pages and concentrated really hard on making the 8 pages as informative and entertaining as I could. Plus I showed it to a lot more people than my first two submissions to get more input.
______
regardless of what I think though, it's still very early in the competition - so don't give up or anything. And if this one doesn't happen to work out - I hope you guys give Zuda another go.

Best of Luck

-Steve

hey guys - I actually kind of like the art. And I think you do a good job with the different camera angles. And the coloring is really strong too.

I guess the thing that isn't grabbing me is the story in general. You haven't really told me why I should care about any of the characters. I know you only have 8 pages - but I think you could have used those 8 pages a lot better. I guess I could get more specific if I knew the whole story. What's the drama in the story? The conflict.

I don't know... you have one woman investigating a murder and another with a big bag a money in an airport. and then another woman trying to kill herself - or is that one of the first two women? It's all kind of confusing to me anyway what's going on. Everyone seems kind of robotic or hypnotized too. I think the comic would read almost the same if no one had faces.

Like I said... I don't know your whole story but I think it would have been a lot more interesting and powerful entry if you focused one of the characters at first and we got to know them better. Maybe the detective investigating the murder. Give this character a little more personality.

Those are my thoughts I guess - the one thing that gets a lot of creators of Zuda, and it got me too, is that they have a vision in their head of what's to come. The reader doesn't. The reader is judging your comic not on it's potential usually but solely by the 8 pages it sees (and sometimes the synopsis). Us creators really have to sell those 8 pages to get people's attention. those are my two cents anyway.

Good luck guys!

-steve

andresz i appreciate the fact that you're reading your comments so carefully so i want to give some positive points.

the art style would look a lot better if this were animated. It occurred to me that perhaps the only problem I have is that you created a visual style that I think is better suited to a slightly different medium.

Also your explanation for page 2 is interesting and I love that you tried to depict that in your story but unfortunately the fact that I didn't get it is proof enough that you need to improve your execution a little bit. If it had been clearer to me I would've been extremely impressed.

Hey man, you seem to be taking alot of hits from alot of people. I think your comic is really good! It's perfect for the web, on my flat screen in full screen the visuals leave me speechless, it looks like someone took screen shots from an animated feature!

I also want to point out that you and I beat out alot of people to be a part of this competition and that alone is amazing...it also puts us up to higher standards of criticism. And with my comic, well...lets just say that I'm used to it. Thank you for contributing your hard work to my favorite visual art form!

1) you have great potential for intense shadow work, and playing with light, but i don't see it applied fully.
2) storyline seems far too simple and short, with no meat, kinda like a McD's burger or something.
3) everyone is moving so slowly, i understand they are walking about, but wouldn't they lean into there movements just a tad more?
4) nice supremist/futurist painting on page 8

Reuben, …I don´t know what to say about your comment … you´re welcome?... I don´t know if making you laugh is good or bad… It wasn´t our intention… Anyway thanks for checking out the comic
-----------------------------------------------------------
C. Edward Sellner, I´m very happy you´re interested, the dialogue are a little stiff but there is a reason for that, English is our second language so that part is a little difficult for us to manage. If the art is stiff, well… I´m the one to blame, apparently the art has been a letdown, well I can only promise I will work harder to make my drawings a lot better.
Thanks for your comments
-----------------------------------------------------------
chouji2, I will work on the art but I´m glad you liked the style, this is our first comic so there´s a lot to improve and every constructive comment help. Thanks for reading and reviewing the comic, it is important to us.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Bry Miller, I´m sorry too, you are very mad, and I don´t know why, you´re comments doesn´t offer anything to improve on the art or the writing; you just read the synopsis and assume we were two idiots that think we are better than the rest of the humanity, well you´re wrong. Maybe we were too ambitious, but we don´t want to transcend the medium or break the history of comics in two parts (that is ridiculous) and I have a tremendous respect for the authors that had been able to do that (Winsor Mckay, Bill Watterson, Frank Miller, Will Eisner, Moebius, just to name a few and in my humble opinion). We aren´t telling anyone how they have to read the comic (If you want you can be bungee jumping while reading it) we are just trying to include some elements from a medium we like and have been working on for a while: The movies, but that doesn’t mean we are “artsy-fartsy” If you think the story is a bullcrud (as you said) that doesn´t help me with anything. Other critics pointed some things for improvement, you just attack us and nothing else. I just want to state two things, first we are not a pair of snobs that think we are above other people, and second everyone is welcome to leave comments, good or bad, but please make it more constructive than destructive.
Forgive me if I was rude but I feel you´re attacking us rather than commenting on our work.
Anyway thanks for taking the time for reading the synopsis and the comic, no hard feelings
-----------------------------------------------------------

Planite, hhhmmm… let me think… Yes!! I Know!!! maybe if you the readers allow us to continue the comic, you´ll be catch by the story and It won´t be so boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (just joking)
Thanks for your comment

I'm sorry, but I always read the synopsis first, and your comic is the first one that I had to literally FORCE myself to read after viewing the synopsis.

Please don't be all artsy-fartsy and TELL YOUR AUDIENCE how to read your comic, or even be as pretentious as to spout that your comic transcends the medium or some bullcrud such as what you wrote.

Hmm, another mystery and another one using the time-jumping motiff. I'm definitely interested and want to see more about how this will unfold. The art and dialogue are a little stiff, but again, nothing practice won't overcome.

Hi Corey glad you liked the style, sorry for the typo, english isn´t our native language, we´ll try to find and fix the mistake. And, yes!!! The comic will get more and more interesting!!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Thanks Alelilla!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Illinest, I´m sorry you didn´t like the art, it´s just a style I thought would be cool and would work fine (I hope some others readers will find it more appealing).
The plot could be difficult to understand, because we´re trying to tell a fragmented story, so in 8 pages it is very difficult to explain everything. That´s why you have to vote for us, so you can get all the pieces and finally get what the story is all about!!! (he, he, he)
The page 2 scene has an explanation for being the way it is, Gwen doesn´t want to be a cop, so all about the police work is difficult and dull for her, the storytelling in that page is trying to picture that. Maybe is a little difficult to understand it, but I don´t want you (or any other reader) to think we are wasting space.
The backgrounds have some famous buildings, (and other art stuff) so if you like architecture you would be able to recognize some of this (thanks for noticing the work on backgrounds)
I agree with you, the blur trick could be cool but the excess of it could become annoying.
Thanks for your comments
-----------------------------------------------------------
kingofsnake, the film noir references are not about the look of the comic, it is about the characters we found in that kind of films (detective stories mixed with the tortured lives of their main characters). Maybe it wasn´t that clear in the synopsis.
Later in the story you could find what happen with Teri and how can she get that money out of the country (or if she can´t) but for that you have to vote for us my friend!!!! (he, he a little campaign forgive me)
About the art… what can I say, I know it isn´t perfect, but I like the art the way it is. As I said before I´m very sorry you didn´t but hopefully someothers will.
The plot maybe difficult to understand, but that is because we wanted to tell a story in a not linear way, crossing stories and characters, that is difficult and needs to be done in several pages (that we don´t have here).
Thanks for the compliments about anatomy and backgrounds, that´s hard work and is a pleasure when someone notices that.
Thanks for reading and reviewing the comic
-----------------------------------------------------------
BlueMaxx, thanks for your kind words, I´m glad you liked our work, and I agree with you, 8 pages are too short for showing the potential of this comic, but that is the competition.
Thank you
-----------------------------------------------------------
Buche, thanks for your words and vote!! We really appreciate it!!!!