thanks for the detailed feedback rkb. I think character development should come first in any story so it's true that the pacing is deliberate, but I think that method always pays off as the characters begin to take action.

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JohnnyZito says:
Dig the ending, love the art :)
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If you like the ending you'll be very interested in Jeremiah 's visualization that begins with page 8.

Too many disguises. Sometimes you just have to draw the difficult stuff and hope. Nice story underneath tho.

great work yet again senor broome!!

"Dooomcat says:
There's just way too many close ups of people, it makes it really hard to get into the story when you can't really tell what's going on, what environment they're in. The transition from panel 1 to 2 on the first page is especially jarring as we see bubbles, then just a head. I'm assuming he's coming out of the water but it takes a few seconds to determine that and it really shouldn't."

The number of setup shots definitely might be something to look at. There actually is a shadow of his head underneath the bubbles in panel 2, that was one of the details intentionally put into the panel.

There's just way too many close ups of people, it makes it really hard to get into the story when you can't really tell what's going on, what environment they're in. The transition from panel 1 to 2 on the first page is especially jarring as we see bubbles, then just a head. I'm assuming he's coming out of the water but it takes a few seconds to determine that and it really shouldn't. You should of pulled back on panel 3 and shown more of the figure emerging, or at the very least you could have silouhetted his head coming up in shadow form under the water in panel 2.
Another place that's really jarring is the last panel of pg 5, we've suddenly got a new character showing up, but only from the neck up?? Then in panel 6 it's the same thing with those new characters. I'm assuming they're on the ship, but you really don't clearly establish any kind of environment for them. They also seem to be wearing the same kind of uniform, why aren't you drawing any full body shots to help establish their roles more and flesh out their designs?
Page 7 is the same issue; new characters as talking heads and I'm assuming another change of environment?? Presenting all these scene changes like that really makes it hard for a reader to get interested in the characters and the setting, as there's barely a setting established. It also makes it look like you're deliberately avoiding any kind of full figure views as if you can't draw them; the only one is in the first panel and we can't get much info from it as he's crouching and looking away.
The coloring is a bit inconsistent as well, some places are nicely rendered and others are flat, particularly on the last page. For a momentous final page, the bg is really lacking and I can't tell what the main character is supposed to be doing? He's just standing there holding his pants up?
I think of all the entries this month, this one had the most intriguing premise for me, but the result is a little disappointing; it looks very rushed and confusing. I'd be interested to see how the story goes based on the idea, but the art isn't helping to move it along.

I've taken up the Webcomic Witchfinder mantle and mini-reviewed this month:
http://leftyfilmsblog.blogspot.com/2008/11/zuda-mini-reviews-november.html

Hey Steve – Awesome response :) In regards to the font – I have more of an issue with the balloons than the font itself. As to the upgrades – I kind of figured as much. I know it’s tough when you have to make those choices: “Do I put this in the first 8 pages for the sake of explanation, or do I let that come up naturally in the telling of my tale?” I agree on letting that unfold as it fits the larger story. You should try and hunt down a Morituri Strikeforce book. It’s an interesting concept and based on your storyline, I think you would dig it. As to the Rai comment – I just meant the pale face and Red circle on the forehead.
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You get points for creating your own textures. I do a lot of 3D work and texturing your models is half the battle. My comment was more to their use. I like the smooth vectoresque style you had going on and thought the textured stuff didn’t harmonize as well with it. I will have to check out Alias Sketchbook – hadn’t heard of that app before! I too don’t really enjoy the little “later on that day” stuff…but I do think we needed a bit more with those two panels being on the same page and right next to each other – maybe if there had been a way to throw that second shot on the next page, the break-up of them being so close together would have sold the elapsed time.
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This one definitely deserves to be higher in the rankings, and I think with a little leg work you could hold a higher position than some of those at the top of this month’s ranks. Keep pushing!

Hey stevebroome – Good to see your stuff here BTW and good to put some work with the username :)
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All in all you’ve got some good stuff here. There are some problems artwise on some pages and in general I have some issues with the lettering/bubbles. It looks like that’s been mentioned before. Digging some of the textures but as hamax1 stated – it’s inconsistent – something that I think with future pages you would probably take care of. The story has some merit – I’m not a big superhero/spandex fan. I get that they are trying to get upgrades to add to their powers…but why? I read the synopsis – it reminds me of an old marvel title – Morituri Strikeforce. I do like the twist that I got from the synopsis about the superhuman dying to protect earth from a natural disaster. As Illinest put, the cryptic speech between the two heros is tough to follow. I think I got it, but I’ve read it through two or three times now, and I think you might lose some folks who would only give it one shot.
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Page 1 -
The most jarring thing here is the text bubbles. I view everything fullscreen and the blurred edges on the bubbles bug me – as do the pixilated lines denoting the speaker. The font isn’t a good choice either. It seems a bit thin and needs some more meat to it. Love the reflection of the mountains on the water – good touch! The character in panel 1: you need to work on his drapery-like clothing. Just looking at the art you have the skills for it – but it fell apart on the drapery. The bubbles aren’t bad – and the submerged twigs and such are great. Those touches really make you feel this is water. The last panel: his face is awesome – great starter page with that headshot. However, the water he is emerging from on the left of the panel, is poorly executed. I do like the water coming off his face.
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Page 2 -
You have good control of anatomy on your characters and you’re use of shadow is well done in the first panel especially. You are doing a lot with the vector-based imagery – taking it further than most people tend to. I applaud you for that! The mud on the shoe is awesome. That IS mud. The last panel strikes me as a bit flat – I think because of the lackluster background. If anything wouldn’t the forest be darker behind the main character, and lusher like the other work? I understand you are wanting to pull the character out a bit visually, but I think there are other ways of doing it in that panel.
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Page 3-
I love the grass, but the eggs seem more like shields to me. They don’t seem to convey the weight the characters were describing either – I think more attention probably could have been paid to their details to give them this weight. Love that shot of the second hero’s face. Sure he looks like Rai from the Valiant titles, but I always dug Rai :) His costume elements are interesting and his colours are unconventional – another thing I like a lot here.
Page 4 -
You get the award for “best use of the lens flare filter”. Generally it makes my skin crawl – but well done here. And that flying pig ship is awesome – I like the funky design there. Pretty innovative. I think the only part that falls short for me here is the jungle canopy. It is just a little too blah for such an expansive space on the page, and you’ve inserted a texture here where you’ve been using nice vector stuff. I like the use of the tall panels on the ropes and grapples being let down from the ship – just wish the art had a bit more detail to it. Great shadows on the hero here.
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Page 5 –
Panel 1 – once again – very weak background here, I might also have played with the slight blurring you’ve done in other panels here with the foreground hero. It would rally add to the perspective shift you are going for here. The speaking hero is cool, and the humor there is good for this kind of comic I think. This is going to be a nitpick, but then I’m going to nitpick my top 4 or 5 this month, so…Panel 2 – the helicopter thing – while I think it interesting, seems sloppily done – at least on the fullscreen version. The next scene with the feet moving out of scene is almost comical. Good anatomy on the hero here. – note time of day in this shot. Panel 4 – now we are at sunset with Frank. I think there needs to be narration or a text block saying “later that day” or something to that effect. Frank’s eyes need more shadow on them and less beadiness. They are coming across a bit slapstick.
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Page6 -
This is one of the weaker pages for me. The story of their powers does progress here, but at a sacrifice to the artwork. The top panel is the best of them and the background on this one really doesn’t sell “inside the ship” for me. The paneling here is pretty ho hum as well, and the word balloons – well they aren’t consistent with the pixilated rounded corners. (last word balloon). I do like the burning/clouds int eh background. I will note these panels all have differing backgrounds – that needs to be consistent from shot to shot to sell the location (speaking more about the middle panels). We don’t see a hint of the chairs until the final panel, and they should have been visible at least in panel 1.
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Page 7 -
This is one of the strongest pages. The art is solid – and the story really gets interesting here. The doctors especially the foreground doctor in panel one, is well done – love the mask being pulled off, and the blurred background – good panel! Second panel – nice as well – love the position of the doctor as he is holding up a vidscreen – I kind of dig the little scribbles going on the vid and the close up of his eyes. Other touches that are cool – the little logos on the doctor’s gloves and masks – these things really round out the world as being believable. Love the eyes on the last panel. It’s well rendered and I like the blending into green on the sides. Kudos.
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Page 8 -
You have some great colours, good lighting, and a tough looking hero with an odd black and green videogame sword. The only things that kill me here is the very loose line art background city and the size of the people if that is a nuke. The line art city was mentioned earlier, I know. The colours here are some of the best in the competition this month- especially on this panel. Good job and keep rocking it out. I apologize if this seems harsh and for the wordiness. You have some talent, and even if you don’t win this competition, you will go on to do some great stuff. I’m putting Baby Monsters in my top 3 this month.

The coloring is nice but I think the writing needs some work. Granted it's hard to create an 8 page story, it feels like we got dropped right into the middle of the story. Good luck!!

"Comic Sans?! SAY IT AIN'T SO!"
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I'll have to look into other fonts with more personality to them.
"also, seemingly immature banter between adult professional characters could use a lot of work to match the setting;"
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With their powers, the work they are doing here is beneath their skill sets and they fall into the same kind of casual banter most do at mindless jobs. As is said in the dialogue, the assignment they're doing is usually reserved for cleaners like Frank.

The art is awesome. Nice layouts and good pacing. There's not really much of a story or a hook, though... and I second the motions that the "scratch" buildings look lazy on the last page.

Please!!! The scratch buildings in the last page give a lazy appearance and don't help the artwork. The rest seems nice. Good Luck.

"BlueMaxx says:
I liked the setup and art. Everyone's touched on most things. I gave you 4 outta 5. But could see it as a 5, when more story gets developed."
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Thanks it'll definitely build more especially when you see the first villain they face.

"C. Edward Sellner says: Don't get me wrong, it works and as part of the larger story would be fine, but as the 8 pages to fly or sink the strip, well, its a little flat."
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That's fair. Before I started on the book I wrote out the entire first arc, so the first 8 pages are more of a setup than a "gotcha" type of stretch. I'm going for more of a build then an early peak to grab attention, whether or not that suits the format best is a fair question. Thanks for the feedback.
-Steve

I think it may be my attention span, but I didn't follow this one too well. I was distracted by the amorphous quality of the artwork, the font and text bubbles. I might have to wait a while and try reading this again. I like the coloring and artwork, but only in spots. There was a lack of consistency for me there. I couldn't digest the dialogue either. Maybe 'cause it's the end of my day or maybe because it just didn't draw me in, but this lands in the category of, "Huh?"

"I wouldnt say a couple of the pages are filler, but I will say they need to be filled.
I`d say get a writer but you obv have something to offer in this area too."

Thanks for the feedback, it's a work in progress, I have a lot of ideas and am learning with every page I write but it's a definite work in progress as it is with all crafts.

"I wouldn't have put it down yet, but in Zuda more than any form of comics you need to be better at grabbing me."

The 8 page into format is one I've been tackling while working on this project, it definitely presents some unique challenges and opportunities.

Wow! Love it! The artwork and coloring is inspiring.

Excellent coloring. Im very interested in what those egg things are! I thought pg 7 was the best looking. The old man was sweet.

i'm critiquing again this month.
the coloring is good work. I like it a lot.
Also has clean lines, is easy on the eyes.
But you screwed up the gutters. Sometimes you put a border on the panel and sometimes you just float it out in white space. Your best bet with the gutters is to find consistency because by varying the width you're implying that there's a reason for it. And decide on borders or no borders. I prefer the look of your art with borders personally.
And the word balloons....
Some guys try to make the word balloon minimalist as if denying the concession made to the printed word. Some prefer the opposite approach and try to make it an element of the design of the art.
It's clear what you were going for here but I don't think you fully realized it. The balloons need to gel stylistically with the art and they get close but not close enough.
But what kills this for me is that it's 8 pages of boring exposition.
I was interested in what's going on, but only in a 'WTF are they talking about?' kind of way. I still don't know. I've learned from many past competitions that I only get myself in trouble if I try to guess at story elements but it should suffice to say that I'm not particularly interested in what comes next. The nicest thing I can say is that if there were another 12 pages to read I wouldn't have put it down yet, but in Zuda more than any form of comics you need to be better at grabbing me. That final splash panel is probably pretty compelling to you or anyone with a broader picture of where the story is going and who it's about but for me it's almost meaningless. Do you have any idea how many times I've seen a buff dude and a big explosion?
Not enough context.

"I thought the art was a little ...off I guess, and the speech bubbles were distracting."

Thanks for the feedback, I'm always interested in hearing it good or bad. I might go with more traditional style balloons if they come across as distracting to folks, so feel free to weigh in.

I really didn't see anything that interested me until the last page, which looked great. I thought the art was a little ...off I guess, and the speech bubbles were distracting. Cool last page though!