The Enders
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Science Fiction, Action/Adventure
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At 2:00 AM on January 1st, an otherworldly entity called The Ender surprisingly and mercilessly killed Aluna's parents. Moments later, using the energy of her deceased parents souls, The Ender granted Aluna amazing, godlike powers of her own. To make matters worse, The Ender warned Aluna that if she didn't immediately set out to save the Earth, he would kill the only remaining member of her family - her baby sister. Thus, without time to grieve, with vague warnings about the Earth's doom and full of hatred toward The Ender, Aluna was sent on her way! Now, with her baby sister in tow, Aluna must travel the world helping everyone in every way she can, with no understand of the ultimate ramifications her actions have toward "saving the world". For her, even the smallest action could have a dire - or magnificent - outcome! While Aluna uses her newfound powers to attempt to save the world, one thought keeps coming back to mind - eventually, The Ender will come back.
Neat plot, and I enjoyed the artwork.
well drawn and a good idea.
Thank you! I know, for me, my time in the contest is done. But it is nice to see people are still looking around the site at all the other talent.I do check in here, not as often as I should, but I do look in. I've been so busy with the holidays and drawing that I have not really had time to draw more on the Enders. But I will soon. keep your eyes out on my site for more Enders info: www.timsmith3.com!
i like it! Simple, fun, and fantastic artwork! Great job!
And oh,...thanks also daniels! I'm looking up "itto ogami" right now. I love manga, so I am always looking out for new stuff to read.
"I came in late, but I stayed all night." Sorry, when I read that line it reminded me of that phrase. lol. All great points. And I thank everyone to anyone who took the time to look at this and all the other Zuda folks up. Yeah, rank 10 sucks! Hands down! But I do laugh at it too, because I never understood Rank systems in the first place. If you are comparing a comedy too at drama, than you are not really ranking fairly. "ICE ICE BABY" was number one in the music charts at one point in our lives. It's tough to give either a number of clicks or an opinion a point system. But then again, I don't really know how the Zuda masterminds are ranking this, nor do I now what will happen in the future. What I do know is that I am happy to have had the chance to turn some people on to The Enders. ANd very happy the good folks at Dc and Zuda gave me the chance to be seen! I do plan to make steps to improve this. I thought of this at times like "American Idol," but even they get a few tries before the final vote,....right? Would have loved to take my last 2 swings at bat before I strike out thats all. Anyhoot, thanks once more for the AWESOME feed back! I have much faith in the web community. And I love that Zuda is doing this for comics as a whole.
Only a few days to go before another load of comics go up, so I just though I'd say a few last words on each of the comics in the first competition.
I still find the actual premise, story and dialogue of The Enders to be all a bit silly. The old fashioned thought balloons and the cliched poses and actions of the characters all to no apparent purpose. I know you'll say it'll develop into something later but that's an excuse we could all use, and indeed most of the other contestants do use it! I really don't want to hear this lame excuse again as it's getting a bit like the old late into work/school whiny excuses?
Having said that and having had another look, our hero does somehow appeal. Not because her parents were killed (good riddance - ha) but simply because she wears specs and lugs the baby around - heck, this girl is marriage material! The other thing is TS3 seems to have understood the idea of the format change and the pages are laid out really well and the colouring is good too. A couple of poor choices here and there, but let's remember this was all done by one (and a bit) person! The artwork wobbles a bit in places, but overall the design is excellent - the Ender has a handbag! You should be moved up a rank for that alone!
Since this is currently ranked 10 I'm reminded why I don't like ranking competitions. This isn't the worst strip here by a long shot and I can only say find yourself a decent writer and I'm sure we'll see your work again soon. Good luck!
i liked this beginning!
and i voted for you!
(the woman&baby reminded me that "itto ogami" japanese manga, i don't know the english name for it, i'm not american...)
HAHA... yes I agree. Working on tweaking this puppy up so please keep your eye out on me. I am to make this as good as I can and entertaining to all.But today I plan on watching "spider-man 3" for the first time. Then read some comics. Green Arrow, Super-Girl, and Naruto, is on the must read tonight list.... and oh... turkey. Eat it not read it. Or read to it... let me stop...
TS3, you have some great layouts and designs but the dialogue and story needs lots of work. Best of luck to you and keep up with the great artwork !
I hope all will have a safe Thanksgiving!!
There isn't a comic on here 1-10 that I wouldn't want to keep reading just to see more of the story and where it goes. I would also like to see what you could do with more space. If you don't make a comeback in the voting keep doing the Enders somewhere, and I'm sure plenty of people will follow along.
RANK 10!! There is a moment of zen for me at rank 10. As I sit in my basement office with spiders all around me... I wonder...how many more stars can I get in "Mario Galaxy." Nah! I am totally gearing for getting "The Enders" moving forward. And stars on Galaxy...
Doing everything on your own is very courageous.
The art is nice, though I don't like the way you do the child (quite hard to draw I admit) and don't really see the use of him (got the impression that it will be a burden for both the heroine and you).
Some panels are great. As for the rest, some people have already told what I think (too many information in this 8 pages).
But even if the Ender doesn't look frightening, I like the way you design it(maybe more appropriate in an heroic fantasy story) .
Good luck for the outcome, whatever it will be.
Good art. Concept isn't bad but the plot/story is too contrived. No need to blandly explain everything that's happening (or happened). Definitely can use work on developing the story along with the writing. I know that's not the easiest task with only eight pages. Keep up the good work & best of luck.
Beneath the color and whimsy lies some good composition and anatomy.
Fresh and fun! You got my vote.
Thanks! I'll try my best! Hopefully the Enders actions will make him more creepy.
That was pretty good. I'm not always a fan of jumping into the story in the middle but you cleared up the back story pretty well. The Ender doesn't seem very threatening though. I think it's the way he's drawn though. Altogether it was pretty good.
Hi! I really liked your story! It's fast readding and fun! keep the good job!
Edwin_ortolaza-Utada is Awesome! And I love that video too. Did you see the mini videos made from some of her other songs by Studio-c4, the Fluximation ones. Sooo good. I do have huge plans with this story. Aluna is going to experience a ton of twisted events to get what she whats and to save the baby sister. By hook or by crook, I'll get this story out there. And thank you too Darkflames and Meanwhile_at_th...(very cool names by the way).
very original and enjoyable
Hey TS3, great job!
This comic is aesthetically pleasing and fun. At first I was put off by having the baby in a nuclear power plant, but I kind of like that dynamic. It's definitely an easy way to keep the readers biting their nails.
Consider mine chopped down to the cuticle.
However, I would suggest a little less exposition. If you say something just once, it'll have a stronger impact, it'll seem more final. Also, if Aluna's parents just died, I'd imagine she'd be a little less light-hearted. I'd tone her down a bit and show her grieving process. Otherwise it seems like just another cliche.
I like Aluna's character design. Reminds me of Utada Hikaru's Passion video. I'm a big fan of the ethereal so hi-5 on that one.
Anyhoo, good job and I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Well, it's a nice comic. You can do a better story, and improve the way it's told. Then, it would be nice too, if her powers, had a little more explanation. Her and even we, doesn't know, what powers aluna has, so it would be nice explore her way to discover all these powers and entertain the reader with this.
I think, that with some improvements, you can do a very nice work with this comic
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sorry about the bad english. I'm brazilian
Thank you tomstan! I will continue this story, as I have plotted it all out and designed alot of characters for it. I do feel that it is a strong story and can have an impact on readers. When, and I do hope you keep an eye out for The Enders, it will be a much better read from art to story.
I actually think this is drawn very well.
ouch...5th grade... what if I told you I'm in 2nd grade...hhmmmm. Than I would be awesome. Thats what I should have put done. "TS3 is in the second grade and this is his FIRST webcomic."
Looks like it was drawn by a 5th grader? Your kidding right? Ok, now that is funny.
a year? that's too merciful. the enders is an appropriate name - this it the end. i admire the use of colors but generally, the art is 5th-gradish. story is 3rd-gradish. the dialogue here is the worst.
Crashface...wow... that would have been a good start. Lol:-)
Know I need a time machine. I do have this story plotted out all the way to the end and, to me, it does get developed more. More situations good and bad, funny and serious, and more off the wall character designs. Abit off topic, I was looking at "Hunt for Red October" last night. The Dvd-tv, where you get to read information on a movie as you watch it on tv. I never saw that movie in its whole, always in parts. but no matter what part I come in on, it's always interesting. "BladeRunner ", is the same way for me. Think I seen it once all the way, but now in parts and it's always interesting no matter where I start watching it.
I really like the colors and artwork on this one. I think with more time, the story could be better developed.
All it would really take is for the plant to be in meltdown when Aluna turns up and it would all make more sense. She could still be fumbling through her powers, accidentally make the situation worse etc. before she finally saves the day. Right now she just comes across as a bit of a lunatic.
It's cool that TS3 is involved and reading and reacting to the comments here. This is an awesome comic the art is alot better then the icon tab let's on. Hope to see more.
I like the art. It's a bit simplistic at times, but it flows and is very dynamic, which works great for this type of story.
Now as to the story, that's where you waver. I realize you tried to get a sense of immenenece here, but the rule of thumb should be "Show, don't tell". Instead of having the charatcers say 3-4 times "You have a month to save the world, or I'll kill your sister", show the Ender injecting the sister with the disease. When you have it in dialogue like that, it's unnecessary exposition forced down our throat.
Also, in you dialogue - watch your accents. Why would Aluna think "normally", but then speak in a soutern accent, it doesn't make sense. Consistancy is key.
Thanks to everyone once more for all the great comments! I wanted to say that there are several things I wanted to tell in this story. One was to have Aluna be clueless on what it means to , A-save the world, and B- to learn the hard way the consequences of her actions. Coming of age story?…Yes! To buddy up with special appearance with Al Gore…no. It’s not her busting in Walmarts to rid the world of aerosol cans, its her wanting to save her sister from dying.
I think 8 pages was enough for me.We all had the same pages to work with. I would love more pages to get things going more. and to have explained the story more. Guess I had to learn something too here. Guess I should have fine tuned things out more.
Or…
Roll up to the nearest power planet ( no cloths on) and start unplugging coffee machines to see what happens.
Alot of plot issues here, as people have already mentioned. Why is she attacking an apparently functioning nuclear power plant again? Next episode does she throw all the worlds smokers into a volcano? Teleport SUVs into the sun? The synopsis says she travels the world helping everyone she can? That's sort of an interesting premise with a fair bit of storytelling potential...but it's not taken advantage of here at all.
Sorry, it just feels like Mr. Smith needs to go back and work on the script before this one can really have a chance to shine.
Hey TS3: Hippie-dippie supergirl is out to save the world? I don't believe in nuclear freeze, global warming, or Al Gore, but I did like your comic. Taking her baby sister in with her on a power plant raid to keep her safe was a nice "lone wolf and cub" style twist, and of course The Ender showed up anyway. The art fit the story, and that made it great! The Ender: you have a year to save the world, no make that 30 days; or I kill your sister: was a nice S.O.B. twist for a parent killing, baby (maybe) killing bad guy. Some more screens would help a lot in getting a better feel for the story. Is there any reason (besides space) Zuda can't give you guys at least double digits (Ron 'ya reading this?) on that page count. Maybe not 22 how about 12?
Hey, what's wrong with nuclear power? The strip seems to be indicting this energy source... but never really explains if it's supposed to be a commentary about how they feel about nuclear power in general or if there was some issue with that particular nuclear power plant that necessitated it being thrown out into space. You can say whatever you like about nuclear energy... that's not my hang up. Not understanding whether this was a political piece or lack of details in the writing is what gets me.
The art and writing need more work. For moments it feels like the art it's confused if it should be a comic or a manga without settling for one or another (or some kind of fusion of both). The narrative seems like it was taken from some 60's or 70's comic, and that in itself it's not bad, but I guess it's not my thing.
I find interesting the concept of a hero with a defenseless baby in her arms all the time, trying to resolve the problems while at the same time watching for the safety of the baby. It has potential, but if the writing doesn't improve it could lose it.
I think The Ender himself (herself?) has to be one of the craziest, most interesting character designs I've seen in a while.
i have to say i enjoyed the story. lots of conflict and tension. and that countdown to disaster really had interested. I think there were a few problems with the story, like why she was in the plant in the first place, why the ender gave her powers etc. I kinda felt like I was watching a movie that was already an hour in.
three stars. good job
I've held off from looking at this one for a few days. I do like this though, the art is awesome except maybe more time could have been taken on the ENDER. The writing isn't fantastic but this is just the beginning so the knockout stuff could be round two.
Very difficult to this superhero type stuff when so much has gone before. Everything looks too familiar. A couple of things save it though, the pacing, some decent art in places, and the idea that she has to carry the baby around! I mean she does have to carry the baby around for some reason? If she doesn't, what the hell is she doing? The colour does help as others have said, but the whole thing needs a grittier look to it otherwise it looks like it's aimed at a pre-teen kinda audience (excepting the violence)! Not awful by a long way, but it definately needs an injection of oomph!
I didn't like this story at all, to me it had poor characterization and a poor premise. The set-up is too vague. She has to stop "the event" but there is no direction here. Does she have to stop a world leader..? Does she have to stop someone from sneezing? I can't imagine ever reading anything from this story line again.
The art was passable, but nothing spectacular. I liked the backgrounds, but the characters themselves need work. The villian needs to be redesigned in some way.
Thanks! Unlike printed comics, I can really get a feel for what people see in the work right away, and then make changes if possible to the art and story. I think everyone has good points. glacialerratic, I agree with you. Tighter editing on future pages would help.
I feel if I slowed the pace down it would have come together much better.
The coloring I am really happy with. It's something I would try and push more into the story for mood and feeling.
The story seem trite, despite the doom and gloom its attempting portray. the coloring is overmatched with artwork that is too inconsistent. The layouts are okay depending on the pages. I agree the starting point was not favorable, but once the story gets started it quickly gets overlooked. To be a winner you need a more compelling plot most notably a subplot, and maybe a few close ups showing some emotion from Aluna.
The art had some nice elements, but it didn't feel cohesive. I think with some editing this could be much better - it felt like some panels were rushed, and others took more time (or were done by different people). The story - eh. A bit convoluted, but again, could be edited and worked with.
This was my least favorite.
I liked it. Wonderful art and coloring. I can't wait to learn more of this character and the impending doom and destruction.
It's okay, but the stories a little convoluted: One year for this? One month for this? The art is decent.
I'm a fan of the fantastic fanciful art, but storywise you seem to repeat yourself. It's drilled into your head a little too hard over 8 pages that she has amazing powers and a big goal and her parents are dead. Not a bad start, just needs a touch of pacing.