This American Strife
This American Strife is © J. Longo
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Enter the quirky, humorous "Dear Diary" recounting of one artist's observations on life. This American Strife is a sharp-witted visual stab at editorial blogging from the perspective of J. Longo. "Lessons through lifetimes and torn apart egos; fantastical creatures and being taunted by Eros; replacing what happened with things in my head; standard life-feelings that make one feel dead; these are a few of my favorite themes." This American Strife goes in the same direction as an erratic bumper car... really. There's no way to tell how it'll handle or where it'll go. These are J. Longo's own experiences, sometimes elaborated, sometimes painfully honest.
Just FYI to everyone - screens nine through the end have nothing to do with J's comic. They're some of our test screens that were accidentally posted. If you're reading this and you don't see those screens it's because we fixed the problem. Sorry!
Points to you for being original among this crowd here. Thats in the ideas and the artwork. Perhaps it would add if it was a bit more tied up together. Anyway you might enjoy this: http://pbfcomics.com/
Pretty funny! Definitely has potential.
the jesus one was cool. thats a thing that alot of people would connect with, two thumbs up!(it deserves a third, but, well......thats not possible)
i was pretty disappointed by this comic.
i thought that both the art and writing need work.
i hope that you'll submit another comic in the future.
I leave you gentlemen now and you will write it. You will interpret it. That's your right. But as I leave you I want you to know — just think how much you're going to be missing. You won't have "This American Strife" to kick around any more, because, gentlemen, this is my last TAS press conference, and it will be one in which I have welcomed the opportunity to test wits with you
Thanks to everyone! Thanks so much for all the feedback, support and even slander. I appreciate it all as it's been a lot of fun. I'll be around: www.jlongoart.wordpress.com
My last word on this. This one really makes me think of webcomics as they are now, bitty, slightly amusing here and there, not really saying very much, or doing so SO casually that no-one really gets it, or cares if they do. Time for webcomics to take a giant step forward. You are no longer constrained by time or space and if something stirs your interest you can fill some server somewhere with it for very little cash. Although Zuda have limited the contestants here to 8 screens or pages as us old folks like to call them, that's not very limiting in reality.
I would really like to see this creator take just one of these ideas and run with it. The trouble with most people who describe their work as a slice of life or a diary is that their diaries are not that interesting. A writer can't just throw down any amusing thing that happens in his day, or thought that comes into his head, he has to do something with it - or leave it alone.
I'm sure there's more to this, but there's a slightly irritating tone to it all, and as Arisotle once said "I just can't be @:?ing arsed with it!"
I appreciate that Zuda might not have done the best by this strip and that's a real shame, but I'm also not sure if it would have made any real difference. Good luck with it anyway and resubmit if you can sort out 8 continuous pages of stuff that actually has a theme or hangs together in some way - any way!
very good...
Man...! I just don't get this at all. This was weird for the sake of being weird! Was this supposed to be funny? Because it sure as Hell wasn't! The real mystery here is why isn't this dead last!
i waunt to see more of the dinos
RKB...Believe me, I want to share with you and others that comic—and more. Sadly though, without more votes, you're looking at a 2009ish time capsule for understanding. . . unless more in addition to the half below me convert their votes (hint HINT)
rOamy, your comment echoes valid and I mean no offense. Search previous comments/responses for identical response/info.
JLongo: after this contest is over you have to let is know where we can see the last page of the Jesus comic. If for no other reason we can all judge the whole thing as it was intended to be read.
wow.... X_X
I'm a Jesus Christ Super Star (aka) Christian.
That Jesus comic piece there didn't mix well with me.
some of your art work looks great but uh' i'd suggest leave the lord out of it because it seems like your making mockery of the lord.
Don't get it. I guess I'm not as smart as I thought I was. It is good to see a diverse selection for the competition. A load of hero comics would have been dull. Nice art. Keep up the work, because if it wasn't for the out-of-the-box thinkers we'd still be living in caves.
danbarret. i love garfield, but I never thought about it in a "FUNNY" context until you brought it to my eyes. really if you juxstapose the last frame and the beginning, there really is some great "comedic" effect going on there. really. thanks for opening my eyes. as for the advice yergie gave of how to make things funnier, PHHEW, that shit is over my head.
great work, still, j. i love it.
Very interesting. Very unique. You're obviously going for some higher concept stuff here. I wish I was smart enough to get them all but it's none the less good stuff. I liked the J and Jesus one especially.
Illinest, that's a great comment and I'm happy you've been thinking about my comic. That's a good sign. I did indeed submit 8 pages, and the story is out there in internet-land but I'm in the mindset to move on and regret that you and others cannot see it as a finished work. The goal of that (Jesus) story was to show that 3-screen stories and 1 page snippets and splashes can coexist to create a diverse and all-together enjoyable comic. I'm sad to be omitted from your top 3 but hope you will consider me for your Fantasy Zuda-League next season.
I do see the criticism as a way to develop & broaden the appeal and range of 'This American Strife.' At this point I'm so thick-skinned I'm thinking of changing my name from "J. Longo" to "Kid Kevlar"
ajp, thats a great question, "how do you keep it fresh every issue for an ongoing." My answer is also that of my reply to Illinest about creating a diverse & enjoyable comic. But more so, 'This American Strife' is a "Dear Diary" and with 27 years of stories, social commentary and other characters (skeletons, dinosaurs, were-dogs, and more) to use and keep TAS fresh
JLongo - I've been thinking about your strip quite a lot since I first posted. I 'get it' a lot better now.
I think if there's anything constructive I might have to offer it's this:
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You obviously have a plan and a higher concept than some of the other entrants, but I believe that just as a brighter light reveals more dirt, your higher concept will make any mistake more obvious.
I would say that your Jesus pages ended up being the biggest mistake. You said before that there is a missing page that sums up your feelings. Without that we're left with some low-brow Jesus humor.
"Yawn" sums up my feelings on that.
I can only guess at how a Jesus finale might have altered the mood of the entire project.
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Maybe it's not fair to even judge the strip without first seeing the missing page, but (and I hope you'll forgive me for assuming) it seems as if you wanted to submit a 9 page comic to an 8 page competition? I am still confused by your explanation.
Whomever this error lies upon I can only judge what I see and this is NOT a finished work.
I feel bad saying this, but I consider this entry the second weakest of the original eight. I feel bad because depending upon what you had to say AND HOW YOU SAID IT that final page could have vaulted this easily into my top three.
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The force is strong in your drawing hand. I laughed out loud at page one. I thought page 5 with the skeleton was particularly interesting. The dinosaurs did nothing for me. The NYC car wreck did nothing for me. (guess you have to live there?) The dinner date???
I still don't get that one.
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Thank you for shooting high. I hope you're thick skinned enough to withstand criticism because I think this will always be a tough sell. Those who DO buy into it will be very loyal. :)
I'm not sure what to think.
The pieces were fun, and it was certainly off-beat compared to other entries. I'm not sure how I would enjoy it on a regular basis however, as it does seem somewhat fractured.
Soooo...good for 8 pages, but how do you make it fresh every issue for an ongoing?
I guess your better off trolling here than out on the streets looking for love. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Yergie enough already. The comic didn't promote me to put a gun to my head, but it did make me stop and think with a little introspection. As far as your "SERIOUS BUSINESS" (all-CAPS neat way to really make a point) catch phrase goes: constructive criticism should be what were going for. It is not serious business beyond trying to be fair: "abominable abortion of a comic" "go home" come on? Most people wouldn't throw that kind of shit at Rob Liefield, and he is hated. If you ever get a comic on here (or anywhere else) let me know and I promise not to piss all over it on general principle. Don't just tell someone why you don't like there comic tell them why. Do it without flame-throwing though, and what you say will probably have more impact. The creator who wins can use our comments to try to help them become better story teller's, go home doesn't cut it for that. One more time great comic JLONGO. If you want to mix it up with one of us so be it- I THINK GARFIELD KICKS CALVIN AND HOBBES ASS! (all-CAPS neat) Flame on!!!!
Hey guys, how about we keep the conversation constructive and focused on the comic. Keep the flames down, please.
I think it's kind of funny how danbarret is flaming me. Does he realize that I'm consciously trolling this strip?
Am I getting through to you, Danbarret? Is there any other reason that I would actually frequent this terrible strip, other than to see what you're going to say, or maybe, if I'm lucky, Mikeymo?
I guess these internets ARE serious business. I think I'll go read some Calvin and Hobbes or DMZ, since I think I have taste (but I don't think Danbarret does, since he OBVIOUSLY likes Garfield enough to recommend it).
Can't take anyone that lumps Peanuts and Family Circus together seriously.
i dig this. i went through a lot of the other stuff and it didn't mesh with me as well.
i actually think that yergie might enjoy something like peanuts or family circus more.
I'm sort of curious why the missing page/split panel issue hasn't been addressed at all. I don't think it would suddenly make this work but I'd like to think that competitors actually get to show the pages they want to show instead of whatever accident/last minute editing happened here.
Yergie, there's this awesome comic I think you'll love, you should check it out. It's called "Garfield", and it's about, now, don't lose me here, a CAT that loves LASAGNA! And he'll do anything to get it. I know, I know, just trust me, you'll think it's hysterical.
Jeez, it's The New Adventures of Jesus Christ by Frank Stack, not Buddy Christ.
I don't get it at all. worst of the bunch
Mikeymo, your comment makes me smile. So I DID tell JLongo to go home. I see no problem in that. I think he has potential, but I don't think that he should be showcasing half-formed ideas and coloring our perception of him so early in the game. Do I sound like a hateful person? I just thought I sounded like a douche.
And when are we supposed to just heap on praise to these guys? I never saw anything like that in the rules for commenting. I had my opinion and I gave it.
And, for the record, he's probably been told to go home by people who aren't faceless internet nobodies. What power does my comment have?
I guess zuda is SERIOUS BUSINESS.
I suspect you're a big fan of the Perry Bible Fellowship.
That said... I for the most part did not get your jokes, and I tend to be a fan of strange, obscure humor. I DID totally love the one with the dinosaurs, for some reason -- I think I enjoyed their dead, featureless eyes and childish appearance -- and I really enjoyed the art in 5 and 6.
Steer clear of jesus jokes, though, seriously -- not because they offend me, but because I immediately get turned off by jokes that focus on placing refined, classy, or high-status figures in unlikely or "low-culture" situations. It's a cheap shot -- anyone can go for a laugh by showing Abraham Lincoln farting or whatever. And the Jesus thing, in particular, has been done to death (hardy harr) -- think "Buddy Christ."
Keep at it, try to be a little less obscure, and maybe run your ideas by some friends to make sure they get the jokes.
Danbarret, I agree. Yergie... I actually saw your comment before I even glanced at the strip and. It was immediately clear that your comment is an "abomination" -- not the comic. It is so hard to create something and put it out there for people to see. The last thing any aspiring creator needs is to be told to go home. Here's the part where you sound most like a horrible person:
User
yergie says:
I REALLY can't fathom how this got into the competition. It's terrible.
But, I CAN tell you how to create a better comic.
Firstly, I think you could do with a bit more thought on how you structure the whole thing. The one panel "gags" make no sense whatsoever. They need an actual punchline.
Next, you need to focus on making the strips FUNNY. The Jesus stuff was pretty dumb, admittedly. An actual COMEDY ELEMENT should be injected into the strip. Think about what makes you laugh, and go for that. Chances are that it is funny to a lot of other people, too.
You also have a horrible sense of juxtaposition and message. You promote emotional insesitivity and suicide. Read into it and you'll see it.
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As I see it right now, you've created a genuinely terrible abominable abortion of a "comic." Just remember that I offered actual criticism instead of just saying "you suck, go home."
But you should, in all reality.
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So you pat yourself on the back for not being a hateful jerk -- and then you go back on your promise by (surprise!) being a hateful jerk.
Look, yergie. It's okay to have an opinion, even a harsh one. It's not okay to express that opinion in ignorant and hurtful ways.
The person below me is the perfect example of someone that has no clue what art is. I'm being dead serious, you need to never say anything to anyone about art ever again.
I REALLY can't fathom how this got into the competition. It's terrible.
But, I CAN tell you how to create a better comic.
Firstly, I think you could do with a bit more thought on how you structure the whole thing. The one panel "gags" make no sense whatsoever. They need an actual punchline.
Next, you need to focus on making the strips FUNNY. The Jesus stuff was pretty dumb, admittedly. An actual COMEDY ELEMENT should be injected into the strip. Think about what makes you laugh, and go for that. Chances are that it is funny to a lot of other people, too.
You also have a horrible sense of juxtaposition and message. You promote emotional insesitivity and suicide. Read into it and you'll see it.
As I see it right now, you've created a genuinely terrible abominable abortion of a "comic." Just remember that I offered actual criticism instead of just saying "you suck, go home."
But you should, in all reality.
I LOVE this comics.
I'll admit that I was disappointed in what was offered at Zuda (not counting the feature - I'm just talking about the competition), until I got to American Strife.
Nicely done.
not fun. the only reasonwhy the Jesus strip is interesting in this collage is that because one can somehow make sense of it. it feels like the creators know want they want so they throw everything in hoping it would stick. it doesn't.
I'm not sure if I understand this, but it all seems to be sort of connected. I can't agree with the panels that have Jesus in them; those hurt me in my heart to see.
More awesome than a really, really awesome thing. The diversity in each strip makes it even more awesome-o. Yes...with an O. Keep on rockin-o.
Thanks for the info on the blog I'll check it out.
The response is amazing. Keep it coming. And it's not just the flattery, no, it's the jabs and (constructive) criticism. In a shameless hope to advertise, explain and promote "This American Strife" I encourage you to check out my blog which will show you where I'm coming from and where you can expect to see me go if I win (snicker) this competition.
http://jlongoart.wordpress.com
Interesting, good artwork.
JLongo, enjoyed the artwork. Only followed a few of the concepts though. Maybe I'm not the audience. My only two cents for this genre would make it accessible to as wide an audience as possible. Don't give up. There's definitely something here.
Can't say I find this funny or insightful (although I have no idea what pages 6 and 7 are meant to mean so maybe I'm just too stupid for this one).
I think you need a consistent element in this sort of work. If you could express your little brain nuggets using recurring characters I think you'd find people alot more receptive. There are alot of examples of people that have pulled this off pretty effectively in web comics already.
JLongo: I don't get that some people don't get it. I got the idea it wasn't a sequential comic by the different style of art that you used from screen to screen: color/ B&W etc; Maybe this was part of the plan? However, switching art styles for narrative effect doesn't seem to go over well in the Zuda community (for more on this check out the Black Swan reviews). Screen 4: Just think of all the things God has seen you do over the years. Kind of makes you feel dirty don't it? Screen 5: "Dead Inside" was tops as a philosophical commentary, who hasn't been there once, twice, a baker's dozen number of times for a number of reasons. I thought about that screen for longer than the speed of dial-up which is an accomplishment. 4/5 Great work.
smart. great. want more.
This is the best thing in the competition - hands down - great work!
The whole thing is just a little too disjointed. Maybe if I knew going in that it was supposed to be several strips instead of one story I may have had a better initial response.
I'd like to see more. The Jesus stuff didn't do it for me but some of the more abstract ones (dino and running) were inspired.
Yes, I'm still enjoying New York. And J. Longo's helped with that. :) You rock most rocktagiously.
Screen seven cracks me up every time I see it!
Alright, the jesus bit...WAY FUNNY!