Black Swan
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Black Swan tells the story of the 500-year-old vendetta between two rivals - now both long dead - whose spirits reside in their respective weapons. When one of those weapons is mysteriously delivered to Nina, a young college student, she becomes embroiled in the generations long blood feud. Seized by the spirit of a Samurai bent on revenge, Nina unwillingly finds herself stalking and attempting to kill her recent ex-boyfriend, Masa. Meanwhile, a Tokyo police detective finds himself drawn into the dilemma, a forced player, when he comes into possession of the other blade. The opposing spirit appropriates his body and prepares to re-enact his deadly duel with the Samurai - and Nina! It's a story that redefines betrayal as the ghostly opponents drive their avatars to repeat their age-old battle, and mutually end the lives of their respective hosts, while the hosts themselves seek out a way to break the cycle and regain control of their lives.
great work!!!!
I LOVE the artwork, simple but very effective!
Just FYI to everyone - screens nine through the end have nothing to do with Mulele's comic. They're some of our test screens that were accidentally posted. If you're reading this and you don't see those screens it's because we fixed the problem. Sorry!
i liked the actual submission but what is all this monkey/ninja/robot/zombie stuff???
I don't follow the story past page 8.
I thought I liked suspense but, NO. This is good.
The intro art was incredible and not to belittle the main story's art. It could become a pretty fun adventure from the piece recieved. I'm not sure it could be ongoing, though. Nice work!
This is very strong and colorful with text and images moving the story. I just would like to know how this will go forward.
Your pacing is way too fast and the story seems to be jumping ahead a lot. Your transitions need some work. But your art style is great and you've got some very visually pleasing characters.
Its out there now. the fan base will find you if you keep up the good work!
whoa. awesome.
Yes, I will be continuing the comic on http://www.mulele.com in the summer of 2008 as I am currently working on other projects with Kodansha Publishing which can be previewed in rough sketch on my website.
I will also be doing a comic in the style of the first 2 pages of Black Swan for the US this summer. I will keep you posted.
mulele: I would like to know if you plan to keep going with the story, and if so where? thanks for a good comic!
As I type this is ranked number 9. I imagine that what kept this from being further up the list is the fact the story doesn't make instant sense and the pages don't follow on from one another.
A few creators have complained or had complaints made on their behalf that they've only got 8 pages to generate interest and that that is not enough. Utter rubbish - really if you can't get an idea across in 8 pages you really ought to give up now.
I'm still kinda surprised that this hasn't had a better reception since it does seem to tick all the fanboy checkboxes, samurai warriors, hot chicks, swords and sauciness, even the hot motorcycle. It also strikes me that there is an ocean of space here which could be filled with compelling dialogue which would offset the visual cliches. It's as if the creator knows the story they want to tell but is at a loss as to quite how to bring it to life.
Rather like The Enders it all looks like an artist who proves they can tell a story visually, but doesn't actually know what to write! Even an average writer would be able to remove or disguise those cliches.
Still, that won't stop me enjoying a good bit of swordplay, a nice set of hooters, and a gratuitous knicker shot or two - woo hoo!
This was the entry I was most eager about, looking at the preview icons. The semi-abstract style really jumps out. I only wish there was a tight script to reign things in a little, and that the same style was carried forward all the way.
And to be honest, I don't like the word bitch. There's times when it's appropriate for natural dialog, but it's an ugly word to me. Why would this ancient master be using slang like a teenager at a basketball game?
I like the juxtaposition of the two styles, both of which are quite appealing. The concept seems like it's got some legs, and this is certainly a story that would benefit from additional screens and room to stretch out.
I hope there may be opportunities for more than one of the entries to continue here at some point.
The art is nice (in both style) but this 8 pages construction is quite disturbing.
Lot of things that do not fit together (in particular in the "present" days).
I'm sure it will fit later but right now, it looks like more a trailer of Black Swan rather than a real introduction.
But, doing everything on your own, well,total respect man.
Good art & style. Love the "flashback" parts, very stylistically chaotic which lends to the story. Lacks story continuity though & is poorly written. No hard feelings, it's just constructive criticism. Good luck.
I wish the whole comic was done in the nice brush-work style. Those portions are easily my favourite.
The gestural quality of the brushwork really is fantastic. The high contrast with the simple palette is beautiful for the same reasons I like Frank Miller's stuff. Definitely keep it up.
Hello everyone and thank you for all the feedback, particularly those who put a lot of sophisticated thought into their comments.
This project developed artistically quite a bit from the initial character sketches and page layouts. The brush style was, as some of you surmised, a way to differentiate between the past and present tenses of the story. It was a surprise that everyone from my mother to the good people on the Zuda comment boards liked this new style far more than anything else I’ve done before. Thank you.
The comments here have helped me grow and regardless of where Black Swan is printed or released in the future, I will continue to develop the brush style, incorporating the constructive comments I have received here in order to more smoothly bridge the 2 styles throughout the project.
Once again, I thank you for your comments and criticisms.
Mulele Jarvis
www.mulele.com
Liked the art and the concept. I also like the blend of ancient and futuristic technology and themes. The story seemed really disjointed though. It didn't have a very steady flow and just seemed to make big leaps forward without much explanation. It's something you should work on. Otherwise it was really good.
I'm not a big fan of this style of artwork, but i must say that this was draw pretty well. At the beginning it was hard for me to understand what exactly was going on, but after i got the hang of it, it got easier.
I like this. I'd have imagined that BLACK SWAN's ranking would be higher. Ah well, such is the fickle world of comics. Nice work. Very nice.
Art is superb. Story...not sure what is going on.
Beginning is just great! But the rest is so... ordinary? If You'll create whole comic in style from beginning it may be really extraordinary!
You have tremendous skill in art design--LOVE the way the clothing is a combination of traditional Japanese garments and modern Western attire, loved the bike, loved the jarring mixture of ukiyo-e ink style and modern comic style.
But the dialogue was stilted and strange. While reading the first panels I hoped you were doign it on purpose, as a self-conscious parody of dubbed hong kong action flicks.
but it didn't work.
You also don't show much of a sense of pacing or panel placement. I couldn't understand what the hell was going on in the last 3 pages.
Also, while I love the visual world you've created, your plot strikes me as totally generic. I've heard it before, the whole "ancient evil stuck in a sword" thing. Hellboy: Sword of Storms has pretty much that exact plot. for that matter, so does the tv show Samurai Jack and the video game Okami.
If I were you, I would consider teaming up with a talented comics writer willing to put this lovely world you've created to good use.
It would be a shame if you let your
Good Fantasy!!Great Idea!!
The inkwash art is so expressive. It is a bit of a jolt to the other sections, but I appreciate the boldness of the idea.
art was ok at the beginiing. dialoge is the worst from all the entries. story-wise, been there, done that. doesn't seem to offer anything new.
I want to see where the story goes but right now it sounds too much like Frank Miller's "Ronin" (where the ghost of an ancient Ronin inhabits the body of a modern day person to fight off an ancient evil).
I like the artwork and the wardrobe design, I would like to see more and how you would use the two different styles of artwork through out the series.
overall its a good start
Great art work. The form you choose as a sample is hard to follow. I'd like to see the whole and so understand the story better. Keep up the wonderful art. Thank you.
Great art w/the old-style stuff. I like the new-style look as well. Jumping from one to the other like that made me think there was a glitch in the program. Probably wouldn't have felt that way if this was print. I do like how you set up two distinct feels with the art. The story felt like a lot of pages were missing. I'm thinking you went with a "highlight" approach, so I get that. The "bring it" line was the only thing I really didn't like. It just didn't match with the feel that was set up with the opening art and dialogue. I think you've got a cool story and I like the approach with the art. If it flowed better with the pacing and lines, this could be a comic I'd ike to buy. Thanks for reading.
Mulele: David Mack ain't got shit on you! How is that for kudo's? I love the different art style used to show the change in time. The here in the now art was fine. I loved the "bring it bitch" line, but I also liked "the god-damned Batman" so take that for what it is worth. 2000 word synopsis come on!!! An extra 500 words (even better a few more screens) and everyone could have been spared a fair amount of confusion across the board. (Kwanza are you following this thread?) The screen 7 transition to a smackdown made me wonder what happened to her training? Where's Masa? Is he the guy on the floor asking somebody for help? The Grasshopper jet bike makes me think this story is set in the future, is it? This story and the others remind me of DC's archive edition reprints of Batman and Superman's early days. Due to the limits of space some things had to be skipped over. I would have loved the chance to keep clicking past screen eight on this. More screens for the next comics Zuda please... I do get the limits all of you had, and really liked the start of your story.
I loved the art in the beggining, it provided for a great atmosphere, and a great "ancient" feel to the whole thing.
I gotta say that choosing the "movie trailer" approach, as someone here called it, is really hurting this - it's hard to understand what's going on, as it constantly jumps from one place to another.
Also the modern art is defintely not on the same level as the ancient stuff.
The dialogue sounds a bit off, especially the old man saying "Bring it, Bitch". It sounds like you were going for cool rather than authentic, which brings down the excellent atmosphere brought about by the art.
You've got a great premise here, but stinted pacing and medicore art bring the whole project down.
"Bring it, bitch," has now replaced "It's Britney, bitch" as the stupid catch phrase at my office! We all love saying it in regards to something really stupid we see. So, thank you for all the humor you've given me and my co-workers.
More Black Swan comics? Bring it, bitch! (lol, see how much fun that was?)
I'm assuming that Mulele has gone the 'movie trailer' route for his 8 pages. I don't know if that can't work at all but I don't think it works here. I'm not going to say that it's hard to follow, it's not that complicated a story, it just doesn't pull you in. Too many characters, not enough character development to grab the reader (or at least this reader).
I love the art of the first two pages. The pacing throws me off after that though, and I really have no idea whats going on.
BEAUTIFUL - this comic looks incredible and I am itching to see where it goes!
This seems like it has potential, but the jumps from scene to scene are a little to quick. Also, What is the deal with the "bring it, bitch" line? That seemed totally out of place.
love what others call inkwash! Fantastic. The story really does move fast and is a bit hard to follow. Like the direction of it though a lot.
The ink washes are great. Love those. It was jarring to see the style change so drastically, but only for a second. Once I figured out what was going on I realized what a cool design choice it was.
John Ward
I would like to go on record as saying I like the use of "bring it, bitch!". It's the juxtaposition of reverence for things that are "classic" versus the frivolity of concepts associated with modern culture. Also, the context makes it obvious these people weren't speaking English. Since this was clearly Japan in some previous century, the wise old man was probably employing a disrespectful form of a pronoun that could be literally translated as "you", but to which another samurai would react as though he had just been called a bitch.
Other possible linguistic quirks for such a series:
* Samurai #1: "You are a dishonorable coward and a traitor!"
Samurai #2: "Man, don't be hatin'!"
* Some Samurai: "Your skill with a sword is unmatched; therefore, I fear the time has come to pop a cap in your ass!"
* Samurai #1: "There are spies in this place! Lord Tokugawa has sent his ninjas to slay us all! Sensei, please tell me what I must do to save our noble village!"
Wise old sensei: "Aw, hell no! I have ALSO been working for Lord Tokugawa all this time, bitch!"
Samurai #2: "Man, you must be trippin'!"
Wow! Not wasting any time, aren't we? The story jump right to the main conflict. The art is great, but the jumps between scenes is too fast, going back and forth at huge speeds. This feels more like a movie trailer than the intro of a story. I hope the rest of it takes a better pacing. I like it, but it's too fast!
I absolutely love the ink-wash art on this series. Great stuff, Mulele!
-Black Hole Swan-
I'd like to start by saying how much I enjoyed the japanese ink art. It is beautifuly unique and the kind of "art outside the box" that I hope Zuda inspires. It reminded me of a more controlled Andy Lee and that is a good thing. Beyond the beautiful washes and ink though, there was very little else to enjoy. And that saddens me because I was so enthusiastic about the start. It's apparent with "back off bitch" that some writing help is needed and if I had not read the synopsis, I would have had ZERO idea what was going on. I'm rooting for this one because Jarvis is obviously talented and I'm hoping that the story problems will clear up over time because otherwise reading and trying to make heads or tails of this web comic might be more work than it is worth.
I'm not sure what the all the hullaballoo about "bring it, bitch" is for. I figure that's either folks who simply can't tolerate an anachronism, or the "moral majority" poking its putrid head out, as it is prone to do in these dark days. Either way the criticism is petty and fit to be ignored.
As for story coherence, there's a legitimate gripe to be made. I get the feeling that Swan is trying desperately to be something unusual, which is a noble idea causing all kinds of problems for the strip.
I think if Black Swan stops trying to re-invent the story-telling wheel and sticks with a strong and decipherable concept, the art and energy evident here will produce a compelling comic.
I was reading all the reviews and i thought they were being harsh the first two pages were great besides the "bring bitch " (was that really necessary)and then... the unthinkable happend page 3 oh my god the art was sickening the story was confusing and i was confused when the story took place. and how the hell did the girl get possesed. you have to shape up the story and the art before this can be called a comic.
So I held off on submitting a comic to Zuda until I saw what kind of format they were going to be favoring, and this is a good example of why... Yes, the "ancient" art looks awesome, and no, the modern art isn't terrible, but I'm pretty sure that the presented "story" is missing a few pages on purpose. While using your 8 submission pages to present a "preview" of your intended series might be a decent idea, in this instance it fell flat.
The Japanese ink drawing technique rocks....and the rest is, well it is---> ;p pbbbbbbllllttttttt. Sorry. Maybe if you kept the same style but with different color combos for the past and present and left the ganster/21 century talk out of the past [Bring it B****, c'mon man not real]